Money doesn’t buy you happiness.
I can now confirm this. Why? Because in the past 24 hours I have become insanely rich. In the truest sense.
I am now rich beyond my wildest dreams… and going insane.
Here’s what happened:
- Great idea
- Great execution
- Poor forward planning
I’m something of a genius, a technical whizz.
As a baby, I’d disassemble all my toys, figure out how they work, and put them back together.
I also have a fiercely competitive streak. Always did. As a child, I spent 10,000 hours becoming a world-class diablo performer because a teacher said I’d never amount to anything.
Anyway, when I heard about the Poly hack last year, $600m worth of liberated funds, I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied until I’d pulled off something even bigger.
My dream soon became an obsession.
And my determination to pull off the greatest exploit in DeFi history has led me here. To a Bubble Tea bar in an undisclosed city, where I’m writing this letter to the kind folks at Crypto Banter. For the record, I have no association with them at all.
Anyway, ever since Vitalik Buterin’s post about the multichain future, and how cross-chain bridges were too vulnerable to attack to provide a long-term solution, I searched tirelessly for a target.
And then I found it. On Ronin. The blockchain behind Axie Infinity.
Vitalik, happy to prove you right – you’re a legend! The future really is multichain!
Anyway, the Ronin bridge is how Axie Infinity nerds move their ETH to Ronin. Technically speaking, it’s how they transform their ETH into Wrapped ETH for use on the Ronin chain, where they can buy pets called Axies and whatnot. The bridge also allows them to transfer their Ronin-based tokens back to Ethereum for withdrawal.
How did I pull it off?
I mentioned I was a genius, which is how I came up with the following plan:
Funds suspended in the Ronin Bridge are secured by 9 unique keys. Turns out you don’t need all 9 to access the kitty. 5 will do.
Morons. Thanks to my handiwork, this has been changed to 8 out of 9.
So last week, I found a sneaky way in; backdoor access to the bridge node, where I was able to get my hands on 4 of the validators, plus a third-party validator run by the DAO.
And, voila. Unfettered access to Aladdin’s cave.
You can’t imagine the rush, the adrenaline, of transferring 176,000 ETH and 25 million USDC. It’s a hell of a buzz!
Now here’s the number one problem with blockchain technology. It’s too transparent. Everyone can see everything that has ever happened.
For example, my next ploy: moving the funds!
Admittedly, not the best idea. I actually spent hours depositing ETH, panicking, withdrawing it, depositing again, and so on and so forth.
But here was my thinking: I needed to get it out of my wallet because everyone knew the address.
And here’s the kicker: I’m stuck. Everyone is watching me like a hawk. If I move the money, it’s all over Twitter. I’m technically half a billionaire on paper, but I can’t spend anything.
To add insult to injury, people are laughing at me. Why? Because I got liquidated after shorting RON and AXS, with 50x leverage.
I simply assumed the price would fall after my genius exploit was discovered.
Problem is, nobody noticed.
People are so dumb.
This tweet pretty much sums up where I’m at right now.
On that last point, I’m open to suggestions.
This guy seems to think I’m some kind of Robin Hood figure.
Someone else suggested the following, but I’m just not into NFTs.
Anyway, I’m stuck.
Which is why I thought I’d post this letter to see if anyone has any smart ideas on how to help me?
I’m even willing to offer a reward (up to 10ETH!) for anyone who’s able to provide me with a solution.
Please, leave your best ideas below!